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2006-06-16 - 1:03 p.m.
Another John Dream
Last week I had an intense dream about John Dahlstrom that woke me up crying. I wasn't going to post it because well it's probably not the best topic to blog about, but it's my page and my personal feelings.
The Dream
I dreamt that a few of us Clay fans were having dinner and John joined us. It was a special dinner that he had been invited to and I was really excited to see him and get to talk to him more.
The table was low to the ground and we were sitting on the floor on pillows. John was sitting to my left at the head of the table and people were chatting with him about his work and what he's been doing lately.
One of my Clay friends (played by Erika from Big Brother 2003 - this is the randomness that is my brain) turns to me and whispers, "I don't know what the big deal is about him. He was never with Clay."
Suddenly, this wave of emotion rushed over me and I started crying. I was embarassed and so I laid down on the floor half underneath the table. My Clay friend is upset that she's made me upset and is trying to comfort me and get me out from underneath the table. But I couldn't yet, and I cried a good cry right there by John Dahlstrom's feet.
John pulls me up and starts asking what is wrong. I tell him that I miss him. And that it was never right to think of him as part of my life because he's just a normal person trying to live his life, but he has become part of my life. And I don't want to lose him to obscurity. If he isn't going to work with Clay, I fear that I may never see him again and that breaks my heart.
John strokes my hair and gives me this amazing hug (he does give such great hugs in real life). John tells me not to worry that I will see him from time to time, sure not as often as when he was on the road with Clay, but that he wasn't going to disappear completely out of Clay's life. They're still good friends.
John tells me about the new boy in his life and how he is so happy now. And that makes me really happy for him and comforts me some.
The whole thing is so intense and cathartic.
Like I said, I woke myself up from crying in my sleep. It's just all so bittersweet. I'm going to miss the old days.
Soundtrack of my day: Too Much Bootie in Da Pants by Soundmaster T
Last night I....saw my little Russian Clay Stanislav getting the boot off of So You Think You Can Dance
