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2006-01-11 - 2:05 a.m.
Family
I have many blessings in my life, one of which is my family. My mom's side of the family is particularly close, but that doesn't mean that we haven't experienced our fair share of problems or hurt feelings.
This weekend my family who live in Nashville are coming down to celebrate Christmas with us. My family who live in Athens are coming, too. Some people think it's silly that we're doing this, but we love each other and enjoy spending time with one another.
That being said, I've been really looking forward to this weekend. This was the first year in six that we haven't spent Christmas Eve and Day in Nashville and it was a little sad not being with everyone this time.
But some things have happened this evening and the night before that have made me not even want this weekend to come.
It breaks my heart to know that on the outside we seem so together, but in reality there are some of us who are spiraling out of control. And it pisses me off that I can't even talk about it here, for fear that these persons will find this site.
I want to scream at the top of my lungs
ioeieieheoeoeaeoeoeovoiooioioietieieieieiwieieieioeieieiei
aeoeoeoeoleieieieceieieieoeieieieheieieieoeieieieleoeoeoeoieieieieceieieie
aeieieieieueieieieeieneieieieeiteieieieseieieieieoeieieieienioioioioeieieieieoeieieiefeieieie
weieieieieheieieieieoeieieieiemeoeoeoeoeoeieoeeeoeoeoseoeoeoeoe
aeoeoeoeeodeoeoeoeoedeoeoeoeoeieoeoeoeoeceoeoeoeoteoeoeoeoeotioioioioioioioeioioioioioiodioioioioio
teieieieieieiieoeieieieiepeoeoeoeoeoeieoeoeoeoeleoeoeoeoeoeoeleoeoeoeoeoeseoeoeoeoe!
There. I feel a little bit better.
Cryptically I have two family members who are suffering. They've both experienced huge losses, huge disappointments, huge heartbreaks, but their ways of coping are severely lacking. In the end, they are creating pain and heartbreak for those who love and need them.
I told my mom tonight that it really sucks because for so may reasons we have such a great family, but we're rotting inside from these dark secrets. I'm so thankful for my mother. She seems to be one of the few, perhaps only, who has this strength to keep it together, keep her life together, keep our family together.
My thought of the day: Pain is pain. And don't compare your pain to another's pain, you can't.
Soundtrack of my day: Aaron Keys (my worship leader at church) www.aaronkeys.com
Currently I'm reading: Freakonomics by Steven B. Levitt
